Project 2067: Bricklayer

These are different versions to the 'Bricklayer' that can be found in my book:

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

  This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
  newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.
  This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award
  for sure.......

  Dear Sir,

  I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
  Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of
  my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
  details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the
accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.

  When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which,
  when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

  Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
  barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
  on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof,
  swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and
  untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
  bricks.

  You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
  presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
  proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of
  the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an
  equally impressive speed.

  This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar
  bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
  fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
  Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
  to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

  At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
  ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of
  the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to
  my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of
  the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
  back up.

  This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
  lacerations of my legs and lower body.

  Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the Barrel
  seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
  of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

  I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
  pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
  let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
  journey back down onto me.

  This explains the two broken legs.

  I hope this answers your inquiry.

E-Mail sent by David Allen, 29/08/2006
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The following are lyrics from a song by the Dubliners:

The Sick Note

Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of me plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey
And I write this note to say why Paddy’s not at work today

While working on the 14th floor some bricks I had to clear
Now to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn’t very pleased me bein’ an awkward sod
He said I’d have to cart them down the ladder in me hod

Well carting all these bricks by hand it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the ropes below
But in me haste to do the job I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier then me

So when I untied the ropes the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the ropes I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket until my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down

The barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
I clung on tight though numbed with shock from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks 14 floors below

Now when those bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope I sped towards the ground
And landed on the building bricks that were all scattered round

I lay there moaning on the ground, I thought I passed the worst
When the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn’t got a hope
As I lay there groaning on the, I let go of the bloody rope

The barrel then being heavier it started down once more
And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
It broke three legs and my left arm and I can only say
I hope you understand why Paddy,s not at work today.

E-Mail sent by Louise O'Brien
Dublin University - Trinity College Dublin
29/04/2007
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